


more than a number

by thewayofthetrashcompactor (BriarLily)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Age Difference, Angst, Canon Compliant, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Inspired by Twitter, Post-Canon, Skywalker Family Drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2021-02-07 13:01:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21458473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BriarLily/pseuds/thewayofthetrashcompactor
Summary: It turns out, Rose knows something about Rey that Ben doesn't. He takes this new information in true Skywalker fashion.
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren & Rose Tico, Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 29
Kudos: 327
Collections: Reylo Prompt Fills (@reylo_prompts)





	more than a number

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by [this tweet](https://twitter.com/reylo_prompts/status/1189601861684232192?s=20) from [@reylo_prompts](https://twitter.com/reylo_prompts) on twitter:  
"Curious Cat Prompt: "Kylo didn’t realize Rey was ten years younger than him until it was mentioned offhandedly by a higher ranking officer. Now he’s having a crisis because he really IS like his father.""

"And apparently they have to put together _another_ gala. Because rich people only care if everyone is making themselves uncomfortable at their expense or something. I don't know. There's a reason Finn deals with that and I stay back here."

Ben nods, half listening to Rose, half reading the text on his datapad. He spends a lot of his time reading these days. He still hasn't quite figured out what to do with his life post-galactic domination, and reading seems as good an option as any. It's one of the few things he remembers enjoying on his own, before Snoke, and there's enough material in the galaxy to keep him occupied for a long time. He'd spent weeks in his and Rey's apartment when they'd first come to Chandrila, barely leaving, until Rey insisted he get some fresh air. They'd gone for walks through the city, and he'd realized how cut off he'd been. He'd decided to take his datapad somewhere else, at least for a day or two. The spaceport seemed as good a place as any, crowded enough that no one would notice a disgraced former warlord. 

Rose had found him hunched over his reading in a corner and dragged him back to the bay the Resistance was renting out. Apparently she had no more desire to join Finn in arguing over yet another new government than he did to join Rey in the Senate. Rose had set herself up with a ship that hadn't worked since the days of the Rebellion and got to work. He found an open spot and settled in. They fell into a pattern: he read, she fixed, and at the end of the day they would walk back to their apartments together. He started making them lunch (along with what he makes for Rey) and reads histories and legends while she scrapes rust and curses over parts that were outdated before either of them were born. 

She told him she likes to talk while she works, and he found he doesn't mind. It makes him feel a little more human, listening to her and the bustle of the spaceport outside the bay, instead of the fragile thing he'd been at the end of the war. She talks about a lot of things, what she's heard from Finn, holodramas, about the repairs she's doing, and doesn't expect him to listen, but it's nice to be talked to by someone other than Rey or his mother. Eventually, he tells her things too: what he and Rey have been working on together, what he's reading, old stories about the Rebellion heroes who likely crashed the ship she's piecing back together. 

Sometimes Rey comes by, desperate to get away from the tedious discussions in the Senate, but lately everyone has been occupied with another big event. Rose has not been impressed. 

"You'd think they could figure out something better to do with their money," she grumbles, attacking an open panel with particularly vicious intent. "It's not like they're discussing all the planets the First Order screwed over that need help. But no, apparently they need to hold some fancy dress pissing contest before they can do that. Don't see why we can't just hold the party for all the rich idiots and then rob their mansions while they're out."

Ben snorts a laugh. Rose looks up at him and winces. "No offense, or whatever."

Ben shrugs. He's not really sure how much remains of the Organa money after the destruction of Alderaan and two wars, or if his mother ever received any of her birth mother's legacy. He can't imagine it's much, but if he had anything, he'd happily give it to Rey to feed the galaxy like she's been arguing to do for months. 

"Rey was telling me how she thinks using the Force to manipulate the idiots shouldn't count as Dark sided since it's for the good of the galaxy," he says. "But she's not sure it would work since they don't have anything in their heads for her to influence."

Rose bursts out laughing. "Tell her if she tries, she has to tell me first so I can be there to watch."

Ben's lips curve into a smile. "I will." He'd pay whatever's left of his inheritance without question to see Rey and Rose let loose on the galaxy's elite that have come crawling out of the woodwork now that the war has a winner. 

"Speaking of parties," Rose says, less grumpy with the encouraging thought of watching assholes get their minds influenced. "I was thinking, after this whole mess with the ball is over, maybe we could do something for Finn and Rey? Neither of them know when their birthdays are, but we did something on the Falcon for them last year to celebrate a year with the Resistance, and that's coming up again."

Ben blinks. It seems impossible that Rey left Jakku for the Resistance only two years ago. It feels like a lifetime has passed since then, though for him, it almost has. 

Rose appears to take his silence as reticence. "Just something small. None of the nonsense they're doing with the Senate. The four of us, maybe Poe or anyone else from Black Squad if Finn wants. I know Rey doesn’t like too many people.” 

A sudden surge of affection for the small mechanic rushes through Ben at that. He knows Rey doesn’t like crowds, his mother has realized, and he thinks Finn knows. Poe certainly doesn’t. People expect him to be angry and antisocial, and he’s only too happy to live up to their expectations in that. But everyone thinks the last Jedi, hero of the Resistance, should be ready to be trotted out any time they feel like showing her off. Rey mentioned at the beginning of the festivities on Chandrila that she understood why Luke had disappeared from the galaxy after the Rebellion. She’d looked slightly guilty after saying it, but Ben got it. He’d put up with crowds for Rey’s sake if that’s what she wants, but they’re both happier without all that. 

“Thanks,” he says softly. “That sounds good.”

“Oh good,” Rose says, a touch of relief in her voice. “I thought a nice dinner, cake, presents, all that. Is there anything else, you think? I’d ask Poe, but you know he’d go overboard. He can take Finn out and they can go be idiots together another night. Are there local traditions or something? Leia says you grew up here.”

Ben’s not sure what to be more overwhelmed by: being genuinely asked for his opinion or that his mother is apparently telling the rest of the Resistance about his childhood. Or at least Rose, which, his mother could have chosen much worse. “Um.” 

"It's fine if there's not," she assures him. "Back home we mostly just had a special meal. Jess was talking the other day about how on Dandoran they got a charm or something each year, so you'd have a bracelet or a necklace to remember the years. I thought Rey might like something like that, something she could hold on to, but it'd be weird to start that now, right? When she's missed the first twenty-one years or whatever. I was wondering if there was anything else like that you'd want to do with her though."

Ben's thoughts, which had already been struggling to keep up, grind to a halt. It takes him a moment to realize exactly what his mind has caught on. _Twenty-one?_ He tries to speak but his lips move without sound. Rose notices his silence and looks back at him, brow furrowed. He coughs to clear his throat. It only barely helps. "Twenty-one?" he rasps, feeling every one of his thirty-and-change years. 

Rose's look turns amused. "You didn't know?" He shrugs. He'd known Rey was younger than him, but he'd thought more around Rose's age. Not _twenty-one_. "It's not exact, obviously, Finn doesn't know for sure either. But they both had an idea, more or less, and the medi-droid backs them up."

He doesn't say anything. Rose sets her wrench to the side and turns to face him on the wing of the ship, grinning. "You're a couple years younger than Poe, right?" He nods jerkily. "That's not that bad. Finn's a little older than Rey, and people thought he and Poe were a thing for a while. There's like ten years between them, but people didn't think it was weird." Rose pauses for a moment, cocking her head at him. "Hey, wasn't your mom Rey's age back when the Rebellion started? And your dad was older than her."

And that hits Ben's limit. His head drops to his knees with a defeated groan. He can't even bring himself to react to Rose's laughter before she returns to her work. 

\---

He's not sure how long he sits there before he feels Rey's presence approaching. His thoughts have long since solidified into a single circular loop, one chasing another in a determined pattern.

"I think I broke him," he hears Rose say, her voice somewhere between amused and concerned. He looks up and sees Rey walking over to stand in front of him, looking as beautiful in her Senate robes as always. She looks down and cocks her head, and he feels her gently reaching out in the Force to brush against him. He sends a brief wave of assurance back, as much as he can at the moment, and her lips curve into a half smile. 

"Rose says she broke you," she tells him. 

"I heard," he grumbles. 

She crosses her arms. "I thought that was my job."

He snorts. "It was partially you," he assures her, then sighs and leans his head back. "But mostly me."

Rey's brow creases and she crouches down in front of him. "What do you mean?" In the background, he notices Rose sneaking away. 

He opens his mouth to explain, then realizes what he was about to say sounds a little crazy, and closes it again. Rey's frown increases. He tries again. "You're twenty-one," he blurts out, then winces. Not really an improvement on not sounding insane. 

Rey appears to agree, because her eyebrows raise. "Yes?"

"I'm over thirty," he tries to explain. 

She nods slowly, regarding him like she thinks he may have missed several night's sleep. "Yes," she agrees. 

"_I'm turning into my father_."

This doesn't seem to clear things up for Rey. She peers at him as if she can see into his head and understand. When that fails, she asks him, "What do you mean?"

He takes a deep breath. "My parents met during the Rebellion," he starts. She nods. She knows this part. "My mother was nineteen and too good for him." Just like you, he doesn't say, though he's sure she hears it. "My father was this smuggler in his thirties who'd been screwing up across the galaxy before she ran into him, kicked his ass, and he fell in love." He clears his throat and looks down at his knees. Rey's the only one he's talked to this much about his family, and it still feels odd to accept them as his again, as part of him rather than something to be cut off. "At least to hear my father tell it anyway," he mutters. 

Rey sits in front of him and arranges herself so that her legs cage his, then leans forward and rests her hands on his knees. "Ben," she says, looking at him intently. He hesitates, then looks back. Her eyes meet his, holding him. "You're not your father." He flinches. She hesitates, then continues, more gently. "And if you were like him… would that be such a bad thing?"

He swallows thickly. "I used to want to be just like him when I was a kid," he admits. "Told everyone I was going to be a pilot. My parents thought it was adorable." His jaw tightens. "But then I grew up. And look what happened to him."

Rey sighs. She slides out from in front of him and scootches around to sit next to him. Her arms wrap around him, one hand curling over his shoulder, the other pressing to his chest. "I don't know anything about… parents, or family, or what that's like," she says quietly, and he's struck with a sudden and overwhelming sense of guilt.

"Rey--" he starts, trying to turn in her arms to face her, but she holds him tight. 

"No," she says firmly. "Just wait." She breathes deeply, her breath fanning over his shoulder, and Ben compromises by placing his hands over hers, squeezing. "I don't know about that," she repeats, then continues. "But I know Han loved you."

Hot tears start to burn at the corners of his eyes and he blinks them rapidly away. "It didn't save him," he says, voice choked.

"No," she agrees softly. "But it saved you."

He can't hold back the tears anymore. They flow down his cheeks, dripping off his nose and jaw, and he sobs. Rey holds him tight throughout, her fingers digging into him. The pressure grounds him, keeps him from disappearing into the abyss of his guilt and grief. He thinks he feels a dampness on his shoulder from her own tears. Whether for him, the man she barely got the chance to know, the family that left her behind, or some other reason, he doesn't know. The emotion flows back and forth between them, until his tears run dry. 

He sniffs and wipes his face on his shoulder. Rey hesitates, then slowly lets go, carefully shifting over him until she straddles him to sit in his lap. She brushes his hair back from his face then rests her arms around his shoulders. His eyes and nose feel hot and swollen and he knows he his face must be a ruddy mess. Rey doesn't seem to mind though. She presses a light kiss to his lips. 

When she pulls back, just enough to look into his eyes, she starts taking again, her hand brushing over his jaw. "You're not your father. We're not your parents." She gives him a twisted smile. "But there's definitely worse people we could take after." He winces, knowing she's thinking of her own parents, but she shakes her head and continues. "It's okay to have some of him in you." Another pause. "He would be proud of you," she finishes. 

Pressure threatens behind his eyes, but he's out of tears. Instead he leans his head into her chest. She strokes his hair while he rubs up and down her back. 

When his breathing steadies, he wraps his arms around her and pulls her tight to him. It's her turn to bury her head in his chest while he rests his on her shoulder. 

"Thank you," he whispers into her hair. Her arms squeeze him in response. 

They sit there, wrapped up in each other, until Ben's feet start to go numb and Rey shifts her leg to relieve a cramp, and then they finally untangle themselves and stand up. Ben leans down and captures her lips in a soft kiss. His anxious heart eases further at the caress, and he feels her responding pleasure across the bond.

"Ready to go?" she asks after they part. He nods and they start towards the door.

"How do you feel about jewelry?" he asks, taking her bare hand in his. 

She looks up at him and smiles. 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments always appreciated!
> 
> This ended up going a slightly different direction than I expected, so I wrote another version in a modern au that I'll post tomorrow!
> 
> You can also find me on [pillowfort as thelastjedi](https://www.pillowfort.social/posts/913443), [tumblr as thewayofthetrashcompactor](https://thewayofthetrashcompactor.tumblr.com/post/189132722578/read-on-ao3-this-was-inspired-by-this-tweet-from), and [twitter as briartrash](https://twitter.com/briartrash/status/1196173786590171137?s=20)


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